A House Divided

Go into any college bookstore and you'll likely find some representation of that school's rivalry in the form a "House Divided" license plate.

UNC. Duke. A house divided.

Indiana. Purdue. A house divided.

Michigan State. Auburn. A house divided. Wait, what?

I have always found the house divided license plates, rugs, and every other item you can buy incredibly cheesy. So what if your son goes to Ohio State and your daughter goes to Michigan. Pick a damn side and stop complaining about it!

However, when I saw the house divided license plate pitting Michigan State and Auburn against each other, I could not stop laughing. They aren't in the same conference or the same region of the country. Hell, I don't even know if they play each other in anything except the occasional bowl game or random match-up during the NCAA tourney. Clearly, these people took the house divided concept way too far.

Sometimes, I guess you just can't pick a side. Here are some other great house divided match-ups where it just might be too hard to decide.

Shampoo. Conditioner. A house divided.
Adam Sandler said it best in Billy Madison. "Shampoo is better! I go on first and clean the hair! Conditioner is better! I make the hair silky and smooth!" Really, how can you decide?

Metallica. Megadeth. A house divided.
I could barely even talk, but for a short time these two bands divided the country's angry, white male rock fans when the guitar player for Metallica's first demo was kicked to the curb for, of all things, drugs and alcohol. Metallica later, without him, made three angry metal albums, and one so-called "sell-out" album. The booted guitar player, Dave Mustaine, basically copied Metallica and formed Megadeth, who was always the Robin to Metallica's Batman, despite staying truer to its metal roots. Mustaine also claims he wrote the riffs on several of Metallica's smash hits. It's so tragic when heavy metal bands just can't get along.

Tonya Harding. Nancy Kerrigan. A house divided.
Their rivalry was taken to another level when Harding's skeezebag ex-husband hired someone to hit Kerrigan in the knee before the 1994 US Figure Skating Championships. Harding, the rough-around-the-edges tomboy with an unstable childhood, and Kerrigan, the WASPy and beautiful miss perfect, created a media frenzy, and added some much-needed excitement to the boring sport of figure skating. They put some WWF into a sport known for snot-nosed brat competitors in tight, sparkling leotards.

Zack Morris. AC Slater. A house divided.
Unless you were living under a rock in the 80's, you watched Saved By the Bell. Are you a Zack girl, or a Slater girl? OMG, do I even have to pick? I for one was always a Slater girl. I still have a penchant for meat head jocks, but it was his jerry-curl like hair and white-washed jeans that really put me over the top. But, I did have some Zack moments too. This is just too hard of a choice.

Gene Keady's Hair. Donald Trump's Hair. A house divided.
Both men are known for having two of the worst (or best, depending on your taste) combovers in the history of bad hair. The combover is largely known as a way to hide baldness. Really, I don't know that Keady and Trump are actually hiding anything. Keady wears the greasy combover, while Trump prefers the cotton candy combover.

Coca-Cola. Pepsi. A house divided.
When it comes to soft drinks, I prefer regular Coke to regular Pepsi, but I'd much rather have a Diet Pepsi over a Diet Coke. I am a marketing person's nightmare.

So the next time you go to your college's bookstore, please resist the urge to promote your own internal turmoil. Really, no one gives a shit.